| thoughts. |
[04 Aug 2006|11:40am] |
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i hate you. i wish i never met you.
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[08 Jul 2006|03:20pm] |
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i hate feeling this way.
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[21 Jul 2005|04:37pm] |
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ah. so it's been about a week and a half since we moved into our apartment. it feels so good to have something of our own. i feel so much more in love for some reason.its just such a nice feeling to come home to someone, and to think its just stepping stone in our relationship. it makes me think of what's to come in the future.
abbreviated daylight had a show last night at a hooka lounge and it was so much fun. probably one of the funnest. keith and jona are amazing together. i got to see some familiar faces and actually meet a few new people. and i got to spend time with jona's sister melissa. she is sooo much fun. she's like the sister i never had.
but anyway. i get to register for classes tomorrow. hopefully i will get the ones i want.
if you live in san diego, or somewhere near it and want to come to an abbriviated daylight show, let me know. they have a few coming up. or you can check them out on myspace.com.
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[03 Jul 2005|11:27pm] |
i swear. why do i even bother with livejournal anymore?
i guess i just want to vent... my anger, frustrations, and happiness.
anger:
.dumb people. i won't go into too much detail. lets just say its over. thank god.
frustrations:
.work. i hate working. i don't like my job. but i don't dislike it either. its just there. i wish i was done with school so i wouldn't have to work there and so i could do something better with my time or work at a better job.
.the apartment plumbing got clogged, delaying our move in.
.friends. or people who used to be friends. who have turned rediculously crazy. its outrageous. i hate it.
.my parents. they annoy me. especially my mom.
happiness:
.i had so much fun last night with jona. we hung out with a couple of friends, walked around the marriot hotel in seaport village, and got lost for a while inside the hotel. it was just funny. then we met some kid that told us about his ingrown tonail, which was really disgusting, and met up with a bike cabby who gave us a really cheap ride to no where. then we came back to my house since my parents were gone for the weeked, sat under the christmas lighted tiki hut in my parents back yard, and watched part of the sandlot... not in the tiki hut though. even though we didn't do very much it was still fun just hanging out because i never get to do much of that.
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[11 Jun 2005|11:05am] |
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whenever i get on livejournal it makes me sad, because i realize i dont have any friends that live in california. and if i did, i would never have time for them. and the friends that i do have are mostly in michigan, and even then we don't really keep in touch. sometimes i feel like i want to move back there, but then i realize what i would be giving up here. i always have to give something up. i feel like an old lady that has lost her youth. i guess i'm just too shy to have very many friends.
but anyway. i moved half of my stuff out of my parents house. and for some reason they're really upset. i don't know why they should be upset when they told me to get my shit out. and now i really don't have any place to live. i've been staying at jona's house for the past few nights, but it just feels weird and awkward. we're supposed to have a small apartment but the girl who lived there won't get her crap out and we're pretty much just waiting for her. i hope in the fall we can move into a house or something.why does california have to be so god damned expensive.
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[03 Jun 2005|10:50am] |
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so its about to happen. i'm finally moving out. its just a temporary place until we save up some money to move into a better place. and what's cool is we're getting it for so cheap. i don't know what the cost of living is anywhere else... but california is expensive. jona and i are only going to pay just over 200 dollars each. i feel sooo relieved. but i'm so scared. i don't want to tell my parents because i'm afraid. i don't know if they'll be happy. or if they'll be mad. i know they won't be sad. i've been avoiding all confrontation with my parents all together. they pretty much just ignore me too. or yell at me for no reason if they feel like it. i don't know though. a lot of people that i talk to say they never got along with their parents, and ever since they moved out, they get along so well now. i'm not sure if it will turn out like that for me. i think it will be a constant war...
yesterday, i went with jona to get his hair cut at paul mitchell the school. i've been wanting to go there and have been thinking about it for awhile now...i saw 3 or 4 people there that i know, and they all talked about how great it is...it looked like so much fun. i really want to go. but i'm really scared. it costs so much. and its tuesday through saturday from 9-5. i would only be able to work 2 full days. and i would never be able to pay my bills. they have night school from 5-10, but that takes 2 years. then i think about school right now. i don't want to quit what i'm doin right now. even though i have to take stupid, tedious, meaningless classes, i don't think its worth giving up. i hate not knowing what i want to do. well, i know what i want to do. i just dont like the steps i have to take to get there. i'm just lazy.
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[01 Jun 2005|11:45am] |
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so its been a while. i never really have anything to talk about worth posting. no one really reads mine anyway. a lot has happend. i got a new job. its not the best job. i hate wearing stupid uniforms. but it pays my bills... more than my last job did. i turned 20. jona and i have been together just over a year now. he makes me really happy. my parents and i haven't really been getting a long lately. but thats not anything new. i plan on moving out for sure this time... jona and i are looking for places. i really want to get a house. that would be so much fun if we could live with friends. i just really need to leave my parents' house. its getting out of control. i've been really sad these past few weeks. dealing with school. and my parents. people. work. i've just been so stressed out. i don't know what to do with myself. i miss things that i thought i would never miss. i want things that i thought i would never want. it seems that everything in my life is so unrealistic. for some reason i can't get close to people. which is probably why i don't have many friends. which is pretty pathetic. i want what other people have. maybe its because i'm afraid. maybe. maybe. maybe. i don't even know anymore... it doesn't matter i guess.
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| god damn school |
[15 Feb 2005|12:21pm] |
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elliot |
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so yesterday was valentine's day, jona got me the wallet i've been eyeing at nordstrom for some time now. it was quite expensive for a wallet, and i feel really bad. and he got me a pair of lucky jeans which was more than enough. i would have been fine with just a card. i wanted to go out to dinner at the cheesecake factory but that place always gets packed. it probably would have been at least a 2 or 3 hour wait. so we just stayed home and took a nap and just spent time together, which we very rarely do these days. so i was happy. but i felt bad because i didn't have his gift. i bought him a record player, but it won't be here for another week i'm guessing. but he was happy just knowing that i got him what he wanted.
so now i'm sitting on my ass because i wasn't gonna go to class but then i realized i'd be missing a lot, so i went and my teacher never showed up. so the rule is wait 20 minutes and if the instructor does show up then you can leave. so i left. then i went to the photography store to get jona some things for his class.
ugh. i don't want to work today...
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| new screen name! angryorsomething |
[13 Jan 2005|01:49pm] |
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ah.so i've had yesterday and today off. it feels good to have some time off. but then again i don't really have anything to do. or any money. i wish jona wasn't working. i feel like we don't spend enough time together. and it hurts a lot.
but he made me happy the other day. he made me a song. it was cute. i loved it.
so i've been sitting here all morning and i'm debating on whether or not i should clean, do laundry, and take a shower. i don't really feel like being dirty today, but i don't really feel like taking a shower right now either. considering i'm going to the gym later tonight.
i know i've probaly talked so much about this already, but i'm really eager to move out. i found a few cute places online, and they seem to be in pretty good shape and had the right amount of space we're looking for. and pretty inexpensive.
i miss you.
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[30 Dec 2004|08:44pm] |
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the cure. |
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so what is up people? yeah nothing is up here. just bored out of my mind. i just finished watching eternal sunshine of the spotless mind... i really wasn't paying attention cause i've already seen it awhile ago. now i'm watching the oc. ahh. my favorite show. i know it probably sounds lame. but that's the only thing i ever really like watching on tv.
so i'm at home all by myself. it sucks. jona had to work. i hope he comes home soon. i want to go the movies. or somewhere. anywhere. he was cooped up at home all day yesterday and all bummed out cause he had nothing to do. all he did was make a song on his new program, the reason. its actually a really good song. it made me want to get up and dance. so today is my day off and i have nothing to do. i don't know why i'm typing all of this, i'm just really bored. and tomorrow i'll be doing the same thing too cause jona has to work as well. hopefully he'll be back before new years. or i'll be sad. cause i'll be alone.
i got my haircut today. it cost me $100. plus a $20 tip for the my stylist and colorist. but it was well worth it. they did such a good job and they're so nice. they're assistant was really nice too and she had the raddest hair i've ever seen.
so i think i want to go on a diet because i've noticed i've gained a bit of weight. i'm still the same size, but i just feel a little bigger. i can tell in my face and in my arms and my tummy. i just don't want to eat all the crap i eat anymore.
soo, yeah. i'm done for now. i'm so borrred.
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[27 Dec 2004|11:17pm] |
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the cure. |
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so i hope everyone had a great christmas. i had a pretty good one. jona got me a couple of realy cute shirts, and a really cute jacket. i was so excited for him to finally open his present... i got him an ipod mini. he LOVES it. and i'm glad. he stayed up all night playing with it. my parents got us a whole bunch of stuff for when we move out. i thought that was pretty cool.
i feel funny. a good funny. and a bad funny.
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[20 Dec 2004|03:31pm] |
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i feel as though i'm at my lowest point. like i'm here for nothing? i want to what's right. but i don't want anyone to hate me.
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[18 Dec 2004|11:15am] |
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blonde redhead |
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so monday was jona's christmas party. it was fun. i met all the people he works with. and he looked so
cute all dressed up. they had a raffle and i'm so sad to say that we didnt' win anything. they were raffling big screen tvs, cordless phones, dvd players, and a whole bunch of stuff we could have used for when we move out. then they had this big jar of money and if you guessed the right amount of how much was in it, then you got to keep it. and i'm so sad to say we didn't win that either. it was 310 dollars and we guessed 370. damn.
then we went back to my house and i stayed up until 4 in the morning sewing a dress for my final project. i thought it turned out pretty cute. the construction was a bit shitty, but at least i got a B on it.
i've felt really sad these past few days. i'm just so confused. i'm so tired. i worked a double yesterday. these holiday hours are killing me. i'm so glad school is done and over with for now. i have a month to kill and just work and make money and hang out.
i really miss jona. i haven't really seen him or hung out with him in a long time. well, it feels like a long time. we're usually always together. he makes me feel good and he's so fun to be around. i wish we could just have a whole day to ourselves. he sent me the cutest email. it made me feel really good, but yet it made me want to cry... in a good way...he's always so thoughtful. i love him to death.
so right now i'm making cookies and cupcakes. some for a special occasion, some not. i'm just bored.
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[13 Dec 2004|09:57am] |
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i'm at school right now... sitting all by myself. not that i care. jona's in the music studio doing some project for his class... and i should be doing something right now considering this is the last week of school. i probably should be studying for some final. but i'm so tired i can't even think straight. i stayed up all night working on this dress i'm making. but it's hard to do when i can't quite figure out how to put certain things together. it's due tomorrow. and right now i feel like the biggest procrastinator ever. i hate how i always wait til the last minute.
i just registered for school:
.fashion sketching.
.fashion history and trends.
.clothing design/ pattern making 1.
.asian history/modern times.
.first course in spanish.
i added a few of classes on my schdule just in case i change my mind about anything. its so hard to get into some classes after everyone has already registered for them, so i figure i'll just register for a some that i want to take, and drop the ones i'll take later, which will probably either spanish, or asian history... i wish i could just take regular history, but apparently i need something more cultural for my major...
tonight is jona's christmas party for work. i'm excited, yet frustrated. i could really use this time tonight to work on my project, but i know we've been planning to go to this for a while now. i pretty much have to go, since i've been bailing out on him lately. he's such a nice guy. i love him to death.
i got him the best christmas gift. i know we told each other that we weren't going to spend a lot for chrismas, since we're saving to move out, but i couldn't help it. i know he'll love it. i tried to trick him by putting it in a really big box, but he already figured that one out. i'm pretty sure he'll love what my parents got him.
so after school is over, i'm going to be doing doubles pretty much everyday. i think i'll have an average of 50-60 hours a week. as much as i'm going to hate it, i'll love it in the end. i'm so broke. i still owe my mom 150 dollars for helping me with christmas gifts. maybe she'll forget, and i won't have to give her anything. maybe.
i think i've said enough today. i'm already bored with this. i'll update on how the christmas party went. not that anyone really cares about it anyway.
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[08 Dec 2004|10:42am] |
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sometimes i wish everything was the way it used to be.
i wish people would fucking grow up and realize that the world isn't high school anymore.
and sometimes i wish i could have more self confidence to talk to more people, because i really don't have very many friends. all the people i hang out with are 21 and older. except jona, he's 20, but he doesn't count. i wish people didn't hate me. and i wish i could just do whatever i wanted without thinking what people think of me. but for some reason i've been this way for as long as i can remember, and i hate it... and sometimes, i just hate myself for no reason.
sometimes, i really miss michigan, and i think about moving back there. but then i think, honestly, what is really out there for me? the career i want would be out here. there's really nothing in michigan for me...all the friends i had have probably forgotten about me, maybe it's mainly my fault for not keeping in touch? i'm not good at that stuff. i really don't talk to people unless they talk to me... i'm just not good at making the first move in anything. i'm such a loser.
sometimes i think that i think too much.
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[28 Nov 2004|07:27am] |
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sea ray |
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well i hope everyone had a good thanksgiving.
happy belated birthday to amy swanson and kim day. sorry i missed it. i hope you both had great birthdays.
so this week has been fun. i took pretty much the whole week off from school and work. and i just hung out with my brother and sister in law, and jona. on monday we went to disneyland. it was so fucking cold. and my dumb ass decided to wear a tank top and jeans and flip flops. needless to say, i have a cold now. on tuesday we didn't really do anything. i was gonng skip my first class and go to my second but when i was getting ready i accidentally stepped on my straightening iron. it hurt so bad. but the next day, wednesday, i went to school, and then we all went to sea world. we got to see shamu. we only stayed for 3 hours because we didnt' realize the park closed at 5 becaust the next day was thanksgiving. but then we went out to eat with my parents at the corvette diner. it was fun. i ate too much. then thursday we had a bunch of people over for thanksgiving. i got so bored that i started sewing. we just sat around and watched movies and ate. i ate too much again. then friday i had to work at steve madden. we weren't as busy as everyone expected us to be. then i came home and i drove my brother and his wife to the beach cause she had never seen the ocean. then after everyone went to sleep, my brother, jona, and i, went bowling. and it was a fun night. then yesterday i woke up sick. and went back to sleep after my mom drove them to the airport at like 10, and slept until 3. i fucking wasted the whole day away. but i decided that i wanted to check out the outlet mall, so went went all the way to almost mexico, and i bought a really nice long peacoat at the gap outlet. i spent more money than i should have, but at least its well spent.
but i'm off to work. adios.
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[18 Nov 2004|08:48am] |
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ah. i feel like shit... so, i woke up this morning, while jona was leaving for class, and i couldn't fall back asleep. so i just closed my eyes and thought of whatever came into my head first. a few things did actually. one of them being how long it has been since i moved here, and all the things i've been through. i've lived here for just about a year and a half already. and i've had both of my jobs for just about that long as well. it's been just over a year that alex and i broke up. thanksgiving is coming around. and this time last year i was miserable. i spent that day all by myself, sitting at home. but now i think about this year, i have a new boyfriend... and it's not long distance. not that there's anything wrong with that. i just didn't work out for me. and never will. but i was just thinking how nice it is to finally be happy. to finally have someone to spend time with, and not sit at home by myself anymore. that's not a good explanation. but i just can't explain or put into words how i feel. my brother and his family are coming this year... and we're going to disneyland. i'm so excited for that. i never get to do anything. all i do is work and go to school, and sometimes i just feel like don't have time for anything. and i finally get to spend thanksgiving with more people than just myself. i'm not gonna go ahead and say that its gonna be great, especially with my mom being around... something is bound to go wrong with her at home. we'll just see what happens. my life right now isn't how it was when i was in michigan. it's different. but of course it's going to be. i wish i still talked to all of my friends there, but i'm not good at talking. and things just get awkward. every now and then i try to keep in touch. but it doesn't seem like too many people want to keep in touch with me. maybe i was just a shitty friend. i don't know. maybe its just all in my head. but that's the main reason why i just feel like shit. i just feel lost. there's certain parts of my life that i want back. in a way, i just kind of feel replaced.
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| jOna's tUrN |
[14 Nov 2004|11:48pm] |
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american footbal |
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so it has officially been 6 months that i've been with mIchEllE. it finally feels so good to have some one to take care of and some one that takes care of me. i can not explain how happy i've been ever since she she came into my life, i love her to much to even think about hurting her. i love you michelle, aren't you glad you met jona
jona jona jona jona jona jona jona jona jona jona jona jona jona jona jona jona jona
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[13 Nov 2004|09:52pm] |
so work was totally awesome today... about as awesome as a needle in my eye. yeah.
so how pathetic am i? i'm sitting at home by myself on a saturday night. i'm so sweet.
i miss jona so much. he's so cute in the morning when he's sleeping. i love how i have to climb over him when i get up and he doesn't even move an inch. i wish i could have just slept in with him this morning.
so i'm glad i'm taking next week off for thanksgiving. i probably wouldn't have if my brother wasn't coming to visit and if my mom didn't make me. i really need a vacation. i've been freaking out a lot lately at work. its just to the point to where i want to scream at customers. so hopefully this vacation will calm me down a bit. and there's only like a month of school left. i'm excited for chrismtas break. i can't wait to see my nephew.
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| i stole this cause i'm bored. thanks david. |
[06 Nov 2004|01:34pm] |
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duran duran |
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--time started: 11:35 am
first name: michelle
middle: sylvia
last: godard
nicknames: shelly
age: 19
birthday: april 1st.
zodiac: aries
height: 5'3"
weight: 130, yeah i'm a heffer
hair color: chocolate brown
eye color: brown
shoe size: 7.5
pants/shirt size: 3-5,M
skin type (freckles, tan, albino, etc.): tan i guess? olive maybe? i've got freckles though...
blood type: i'm not even sure
grade: sophmore
gpa: 3.0-ish
birthplace: san diego
current location: lemon grove
last place you lived: warren
where do you wanna live: hillcrest
name all the places you have lived: san diego, philippines, washington, fremont, san diego again, warren, and san diego again (lemon grove)
siblings/ages: pretty much an only child but i have two half brothers and a half sister.
tattoos: two... one star on the back of each arm
piercings: ears, belly, lip
hobbies: sewing. reading. baking. i'm somewhat domesticated, right?
-favorites-
candy: sour watermelons/ green apple licorice
soda: orange
food: tacos
pizza topping: cheese.
cheese: colby jack/ mozerella
salad dressing: ranch/ italian
sandwich: turkey ranch/ italian bmt
cereal: frosted flakes
fruit: mango, oranges, bananas
vegetable: potatoes
color: green
movie: sixteen candles
tv show: the oc. yeah i'll admit it. i like that show.
song: right now, modest mouse- ocean breathes salty... i never really have a favorite song... i'll just listen to something a lot and get bored with it in a few days.
band: modest mouse and pretty girls, right now.
music style: i'm not sure. i like everything.
radio station: i don't listen to the radio.
cd: i can't decide
actor: mark ruffalo
actress: shannyon sossamon. i can never remember how to spell her name.
model: gisselle. josie maran.
tv host:
channel: mtv. fox. E!.
book: i haven't really read a really good book in a long time.
magazine: elle. vogue. cosmo.
newspaper: any
website: lj. myspace.
store: urban outfitters. nordstrom.
car: my little volkswagen golf.
day of the week: thursday or fridays.
month: may and june.
season: spring.
shampoo: garnier fructis
conditioner: garnier fructis.
number: 7 or 8
weather: overcast.
sport to watch: soccer.
sport to play: soccer.
animal: weenie dogs. elephants. mooses. koalas. penguins.
flower: lillies.
guy's name: i'm not sure
girl's name: riley. devin.
board game: cranium
-have you ever-
been on train: not that i can rememeber.
or a plane: tons of times.
been in car accident: kind of.
caused a car accident: kind of.
had sex: thats a bit personal.
given oral: same as above
gotten oral: what the fuck.
kissed a member of the opposite sex: yes jeez.
kissed a member of the same sex: no sorry.
made out: yes
smoked: unfortunately yes. just once or twice.
been high: yeah. but i didnt' do anything i was just around everyone that did it.
drank alcohol: yeah
been drunk: once or twice but i don't really like it.
broken the law: once or twice
been on stage: not really
been to a concert: definitely
what concert: tons.
played a prank on someone: yeah.
lied to get out of trouble: sure have.
gotten pregnant: fuck no!
met a celebrity: i guess.
if so which one: al bundy... i helped him with jeans.
climbed a tree: yes.
fallen from a tree: no.
broken a bone: nope
gotten a deep cut that wouldn't heal: not really
said i love you and meant it (not to a relative): definitely
-do you-
know someone who was murdered: no.
know someone famous: no
related to someone famous: no
-this or that-
rose/daisy: daisy
pink/purple:pink
red/black: black
plaid/fish net: plaid
rap/rock: rock
country/pop: pop
-past-
what did you do yesterday: worked.
memory you miss the most: the beginning
memory you want to forget: the past
regret anything: no
-the last-
song you heard: some song by death cab.
cd you bought: ladytron
concert you attended: pretty girls/ death cab.
thing you said: i love you
time you cried: last night
movie seen in a theater: saw
thing you ate: jello
person who called: jona
nail polish shade worn: neon green
time you showered: yesterday morning
person who complimented you: jona
person you saw: jona
person who hugged you: jona
person who kissed you: jona
person you kissed/hugged: jesus see above. thx.
-at this moment-
what are you listening to: the tv
what are you wearing: pajama pants and a tank top
what are you thinking: how sick i feel, how i don't want to to work and how much i miss him.
what are you scared of most: being alone or dying.
how many people are on your buddy list:90
who are you talking to: no one
what are you doing (besides this survey ): watching tv
a quote: "linda, you a bitch" - the little kid from the wedding singer.
Time ended: 12:19 pm
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